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"Only by opening up the discussion about sex, and by beginning to talk to children at a young age, will we ever be able to protect them from abuse" An edited version of this article appeared as an op-ed piece in the Hartford Courant on Patricia C. Wass is the Coordinator of Sexual Assault Crisis Services at the in Torrington, one of twelve sexual assault crisis programs in Connecticut. Read More About It: Article: Sex Offender Registration in CT - It's Not That Simple Sexual Offender Treatment in the 90's and Beyond Sexual Abuse & Assault Fact/Myth Quiz "Children are best protected by giving them the knowledge and skills necessary for their safety and well-being." The importance of sex education for children Do Something About It:
Connecticut Sexual Assault Tel/TTY: 860-292-9881
Call (888) 999-5545 Local Rape Crisis Centers
Centers Provide:
More Information: www.connsacs.org Recommended Links: How to educate your children about sexual issues: SIECUS organization's parent pages Graphics by Vikimouse This page sponsored by Atty. Susan K. Smith |
Sex Education Helps Keep
The latest discussion about when to start sex education, how much information to give and who should give it, highlights yet again the societal debate about sex and sexual taboos in the United States. The focus of the discussion has been about keeping children and teens safe from unwanted pregnancy and disease, especially important in light of the increasing spread of HIV and AIDS. As usual, opinions range across the spectrum, from no sex education in the schools to the schools should start as early as possible. But there is a piece of the debate which does not seem to be taking place at all: the importance of educating children about healthy sexuality in order to help kids keep themselves safe from sexual abuse. In spite of the increasing number of news reports about child molestation, there is reluctance to talk about the issue of children being sexually abused in our society. The reluctance is certainly understandable; child sexual abuse is one of the most difficult realities we face. No one wants to believe that anyone would do something that terrible to a child, so theres an unwillingness to recognize just how pervasive this type of abuse is. In spite of our collective denial, we all may know a family where sexual abuse is taking place, may be acquainted with a sexual predator, or almost certainly know an adult who was sexually abused as a child. The statistics are staggering: one in four girls and one in six boys will be victims of some type of sexual abuse or assault by the time they reach age 18.
In the majority of cases, children never tell anyone what has happened to them. Why? Because it doesnt feel safe to tell. Talking about sex at all is taboo in many families; if a child cant talk about healthy sexuality and normal bodily functions comfortably, how can a little girl or boy ever tell someone about sexual abuse? If parents get hysterical when they find their children touching themselves or exploring each others bodies out of normal curiosity, how will they react if their child tells them that Uncle Fred or Grampa or Mr. Smith next door has touched them inappropriately or worse? Children pick up very subtle cues from their parents; if sex is never talked about, or if parents have reacted disapprovingly to any mention of sex or sexualized behavior in their children, then children will be very reluctant to tell if theyve been abused. Unfortunately, not disclosing sexual abuse adds to the trauma for the child and has repercussions which may last a lifetime. The child will most certainly feel guilt, shame, self-blame, and may carry the dark secret for years. Sexually abused children struggle with anxiety, fear, and issues of trust, safety, and self-esteem. Teens may become angry, hostile, suicidal, may turn to drugs or alcohol, act out sexually, or engage in other high-risk behaviors. Some adult survivors seek treatment for mental illness or psychiatric disorders which they may not realize stem from the abuse. Behaviors which may have been developed as coping mechanisms to survive the terror of the abuse now may be presenting as depression, panic attacks, dissociative disorders, substance abuse or addiction, or profound sexual dysfunction. Survivors often remark that the sexual abuse they experienced as children ruined their lives.
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There are many types of child sexual abuse, from inappropriate touching, fondling, voyeurism, exposure to pornography, to full forced intercourse and sadistic acts. Victims may be infants as young as 2 months, although the average age of child sexual abuse victims is nine. Abuse may consist of a one-time incident or be ongoing perpetration which continues throughout childhood into teen years. Often a teen leaves home as the only way to escape. Although most of the high profile cases of child sexual abuse that make the news are stories about weird, creepy strangers who prey on children and often murder them, most child sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows: a parent, a sibling, another relative, a family friend, a neighbor, a teacher, a member of the clergy. It happens in every socio-economic class, every ethnic community, and among all races.
Children and teens need good information about sex,sexual relationships, reproduction and birth control, sexually-transmitted diseases, and sexual abuse. Information is power, and in this high-risk day and age, children and teens need all the information they can get. To withhold information about sex and the possibility of sexual abuse, as well as information about reproduction and disease, puts all children at risk. Refusing to talk about sex does not mean that children are safe, that nothing bad will happen to them. Only by opening up the discussion about sex, and beginning to talk to children at young age, will we ever be able to protect them from abuse. Ultimately it will only be when sex and sexual abuse are commonplace topics of conversation will perpetrators be held accountable. Only then will our society ever truly be able to prevent one of the most tragic things that can happen to a child.